we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
