Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
