Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
