I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
did you just send me my own nude
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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