so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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