dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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