i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
