I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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