She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
