is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
