it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
