She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
