a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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