omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
