before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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