Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You smell like stripper and shame
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
