Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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