billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
