I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
