So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
