When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
