You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
