im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
