Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize