I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
