does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
