I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
