If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
