So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
