If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize