can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
