I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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