I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it because I queefed?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
