If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
