The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
