The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
