i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
