I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
