so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize