I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
