so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
