My friends, they love my intelligence
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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