dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
