Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize