You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
