I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
