i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
