Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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