i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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