; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
