Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
