you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
