hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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