Well apparently he's into motor boating.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
