I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
