I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
