forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
