I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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