You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
