im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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