one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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