I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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