Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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