I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
