Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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