some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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