left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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