i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
