Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
