I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize