i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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