You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
