He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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