When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
