it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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