the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
