Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
