I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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