Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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