honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize