well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
