Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize