Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
