so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
