watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
